Friday, July 29, 2011

So much running through my head

So when I got married and someone would ask me "how many children do you want?" the answer was always 3. Three is plenty, I would have even told you that after we had number 2. I wanted three children. Then we were surprised to find ourselves pregnant with number 3 oh about nine months before we planned to start trying. And then the number four popped into my mind. I think four is the perfect number of children for our family. Lately though I have been reading a lot on a "Biblical approach to family" and my mind is going crazy. I got this information from some very conservative Christian groups, not saying that that is bad or good I'm just telling you were the information comes from. These people believe in moms place is at home with her kids, homeschooling, and wives submitting to their husbands. And no birth control, your number of children is totally up to how God sees fit. Wow totally opposite the world right now! Here's where I stand on those- I LOVE being at home with my kids, I know some moms work and that is the fit for them so I don't want anyone to feel I'm judging their way of life on this, this is all just me trying to figure out where I see myself in my life with my family :) Everything is crazy combobulated in my mind so I doubt there is any room in my head to judge! I could never homeschool my kids- I don't have the patience, I am working on my patience but I don't have enough of it yet or do I see that happening in the near future and I think we live in a great small community with great teachers and I don't feel right now that I have a need for this. 3) I know submitting to my husband is the correct way to do things it is just way hard... so yeah working o that one too. That leaves us with #4 - Kjell and I were talking this over today if we started giving everything over to God as far as our next child..... we could possibly have TEN more kids. Here I am thinking I'm almost done and I could have 13 children. I just about passed out just thinking about it. I don't know what kind of jobs most of these women's husbands have but I can NOT get maternity insurance for less than 650 a month and am not on Kjell's plan since he is a teacher. I would never want money to stand in the way of having more children but it is just a thought I have had. My #2 concern is most drs try to limit your c-sections guessing my dr wouldn't appreciate me trying to have 10 more c-sections since no one within a 3 hour radius would be willing to preform a VBAC. #3 I don't want to drive an industrial sized van, could we ever go anywhere??

All of these minus the true health concern seem pretty petty but the main concern I have and where I wish God would just "write it on the wall" is I want to be a foster parent. I haven't convinced Kjell this is the way to go and I'm in no hurry. The advice I once got in one of my college classes ( I was a criminal justice major ) was to make sure as a foster parent your own kids are older than the foster ones so that your kids can help them do better things rather than the foster kids teaching your kids to do bad things. I want babies, I want toddlers I want young kids, so my question is where does God want me? I was seriously considering after my next pregnancy (which we have set for next summer lol we will see how God sees fit on that one) of having my tubes tied. I just don't know anymore. The "next duggers??" So just rambling and trying to sort things out.

1 comment:

  1. God determines the size of a quiver :) Some may be full after 3 or 4, some may be full at 7. Some may be full after years and years of opening their home to foster children or adoption :) I think the main thing is to just NOT determine the number by the world's standards. We have to be VERY prayerful, VERY open to going beyond our comfort (which is the main reason in family size for the vast majority). . . but still be very WISE and discerning. Just as it would not be wise for every family to do foster care, it would not be wise for every family to have a baker's dozen kids. God created us with limits for a good reason (whether it's physical like with many women's bodies, or emotional, or otherwise). That is not to say we can stop as soon as we think we're overwhelmed or at our limit, but be prayerful and open to God expanding that limit a bit if He wants to. Just take it one decision at a time!