tough

Pray for me. Yes I know many of you have been praying for Kjell's job and our future and that is great but I need MUCH prayer. See I'm ticked-I don't really want to go into details well because we don't have any/ just speculation. But it hurts that basically one person got to redirect our future. And yes I know "God has everything in control and He let this happen" this is what I keep trying to tell myself but when I turn to my sinful side. I really just want to go talk to someone and let them know how it wasn't just Kjell they hurt but my entire family. My daughter who doesn't want to move because she enjoys the kids she goes to school with, and mommy can't make this better. My parents who have truly enjoyed having our family living in town and the friends we have come to love in just the two years we have been here.

I feel like Peter- when he was on the boat and saw Jesus walking towards him and he just jumps out and starts running on the water... and then he's like whoa there's a wave there... yikes I'm walking on water... I shouldn't be walking on water. And he starts to sink. As long as his eyes were on Jesus he stayed above the water, but it's SOOOO hard not to look at the waves, not to try to take control of the situation ourselves, because that is what we DO. As long as I keep my eyes on the cross and I have made myself visualize this several times when I feel about to lose it. I can stay calm but man those waves are so big and daunting, and anger is so easy to cling to. It's easier than to show weakness. I hate showing weakness. I hate being weak. But I AM! Kjell and I have no control over what happens next. We had no control over what happened last week. And even though I am mad at one person God allowed that person to form their opinion and even if it was a sin God is using that. And I am to TRUST Him and when I don't trust Him. I need to deal with my sin and quit focusing on what someone else did. So yes I need prayer. I need strength because I have so much more going on than just this- like Karis and her new bed things, Justus become completely defiant Kiah getting punched in the face at school, Kjell having strep and me just trying to make it through and hold on and not just lose it..... God must think I am really strong because He never gives us more than we can take. So man... I will keep fighting this earthly battle and remember that life here is so short compared to the eternity I get to spend with my Lord and Savior. That is the important thing for my kids to see me handling these situations in a God honoring way. For my friends to see my faith. And if one would come to have a relationship with Christ... man it would all be worth it.

online journal

Ok well my last post was over a month ago so who knows if I can do a better job of posting on here. But I was told after the events of yesterday that I should keep a journal to see how God works in this situation so I thought instead of hiding that I would share it with my few followers. If you don't know Kjell lost his job yesterday (well his contract is not renewed for next year so it's not like he is no longer working or getting paid we are getting paid through August) However it was a blow the superintendent did not know it was coming and neither did either of the principals. This is so hard to have to go through again because Kjell is a good teacher. Read any of the reviews his principal handed to the board. It comes down to small town politics and probably in this situation jr high girl's basketball coaching. Was he a horrible coach- with a 10-4 record winning the Meade tournament and taking 3rd at the league tournament that is very hard to say was a bad season. I was impressed the year went as well as it did it was to be a rebuilding year and although it wasn't to the caliber of KU's run.... it was a great season.

I do believe I have entered the stages of grief bouncing back and forth between them, yelling in anger, crying and wondering what will happen, and the rare occasion this morning where I felt like I had a guerrilla on my chest and I needed a paper bag to breath. To waking up hoping it was all a bad dream to being at peace and knowing that God is bigger than this school board or any other school board for that matter. And that God knew the day we went to Minneola that it was for a two year period. Sometimes I just wish God would give us a little bit clearer fore-site. The hardest part for me right now is we just bought a van, we own a house and we are going on a missions trip in June.... All good things but I am just scared to know what comes next.

But let me tell you one thing. Kjell is a man who can handle this. He is able to just let things roll off of him and he's not worried about anything. He just keeps saying God has a better place for us, a better school for us. So I will believe him and trust God for what is to come. It's not like we haven't been in this place before. We are looking at jobs in Kansas but are also exploring options of overseas teaching/missions. We were looking into the overseas stuff this past year but were not thinking we would be given the opportunity to explore it in depth this quickly. God is good all the time. All the time God is good. Now if someone could just bring me a small brown paper bag I think everything will be ok. :)