tough

Pray for me. Yes I know many of you have been praying for Kjell's job and our future and that is great but I need MUCH prayer. See I'm ticked-I don't really want to go into details well because we don't have any/ just speculation. But it hurts that basically one person got to redirect our future. And yes I know "God has everything in control and He let this happen" this is what I keep trying to tell myself but when I turn to my sinful side. I really just want to go talk to someone and let them know how it wasn't just Kjell they hurt but my entire family. My daughter who doesn't want to move because she enjoys the kids she goes to school with, and mommy can't make this better. My parents who have truly enjoyed having our family living in town and the friends we have come to love in just the two years we have been here.

I feel like Peter- when he was on the boat and saw Jesus walking towards him and he just jumps out and starts running on the water... and then he's like whoa there's a wave there... yikes I'm walking on water... I shouldn't be walking on water. And he starts to sink. As long as his eyes were on Jesus he stayed above the water, but it's SOOOO hard not to look at the waves, not to try to take control of the situation ourselves, because that is what we DO. As long as I keep my eyes on the cross and I have made myself visualize this several times when I feel about to lose it. I can stay calm but man those waves are so big and daunting, and anger is so easy to cling to. It's easier than to show weakness. I hate showing weakness. I hate being weak. But I AM! Kjell and I have no control over what happens next. We had no control over what happened last week. And even though I am mad at one person God allowed that person to form their opinion and even if it was a sin God is using that. And I am to TRUST Him and when I don't trust Him. I need to deal with my sin and quit focusing on what someone else did. So yes I need prayer. I need strength because I have so much more going on than just this- like Karis and her new bed things, Justus become completely defiant Kiah getting punched in the face at school, Kjell having strep and me just trying to make it through and hold on and not just lose it..... God must think I am really strong because He never gives us more than we can take. So man... I will keep fighting this earthly battle and remember that life here is so short compared to the eternity I get to spend with my Lord and Savior. That is the important thing for my kids to see me handling these situations in a God honoring way. For my friends to see my faith. And if one would come to have a relationship with Christ... man it would all be worth it.